writing on my own time

It's bedtime soon...

...but there's something on my mind and it just won't go away!

I'm supposed to be a writer. 

Well, I am a writer. I write every single day. I write scripts. I write promos. I write voice-overs. I write devotionals. I write CTAs.

And, honestly, it's been a fantastic learning experience and it's helped shape so much of what informs my worldview, as well as my faith, and it's molded me into a quick-thinking writer who knows her own voice.

But I rarely ever use it for anything beyond this blog and my work assignments. 

Have any of you other writers out there felt this way? 

I write on my own time when it comes to the things I want to write. I'm so not disciplined about making a schedule for myself, and I've talked (er...written) about this struggle here before (is that irony?). 

And, usually, after a few weeks of hating myself for not sticking to a definitive writing schedule, I'll hunker down and grind out a few chapters, or even another 15,000 words, and then...

...silence.

I'll go on a self-imposed hiatus of the most detestable kind (the kind that sounds like procrastination) and forget all about that story that supposedly meant so much to me. Actions speak louder than words here, friends. And, lately, my words ain't been saying too damn much.

I might write for a living. But I'm not the writer I want to be. I always find other things to fill my time with (like reading my favorite blogs or books...or cooking...or doing absolutely nothing). 

I don't want to keep talking about this to you guys. I mean, I love blogging. I love sharing my thoughts with my absolutely fabulous 43 Google Readers. But let me put it this way: y'all have become those friends I go to when I want to vent...and then continue on my merry way, doing little to change my circumstances.

And I do NOT want to be that friend anymore.

So I'm zipping my big mouth shut. And until this manuscript is finished, I'm not saying another word about it. I will not call this hole I've put myself in "home".

P.S. Thanks for listening.